(Anthem Art and Culture), by Gary Morris (Editor), Bert Cardullo (Introduction), Jonathan Rosenbaum (Foreword). London and New York: Anthem Press, 2009.
— David Hudson, IFC.com
In home ec class, which they take, as Seth tells the teacher, because it's so fucking easy so just get the fuck out of my face and give me my fucking A,4 Seth manages to get himself paired off with the ga-ga-gorgeous Jules (Emma Stone), pretty much a brunette Veronica Lake, who naturally invites him to this huge party she's having,5 even though, apparently, she hasn't said a word to him in the past four years. Hey, shit happens.
1. Apparently, these guys all knew each other or blew each other in high school. Most or all of them worked on the Freaks and Geeks cult failure TV series that I slapped around a couple of years ago. Freaks and Geeks only lasted one season, but in the past few years these guys have been rolling in the bucks with R-rated raunchfests like Ron Burgundy, The 40-Year-Old Virgin, and Knocked Up.
2. To Dartmouth, where he will devote most of his waking hours to "booting" (chugging a couple of beers and then jumping up and down until he pukes) and then go on to make millions of dollars writing for TV and film.
3. There is a riff about penis drawing that's pretty funny. If you're into penises (right), hang around at the closing credits, because they pop up again.
4. It's been a long time since I've been in high school, but somehow I don't see any teacher putting up with that kind of crap, least of all from a dumb, fat, white boy.
5. Evan, in the meantime, is paired off with this cute little Asian kid, and they make a perfect trifle together. (I'm pretty sure it's a trifle; it's got fucking ladyfingers, for Christ's sake.) They also engage in a little face-painting, which is definitely a macho thing to do when you're five. Is this fucking subtext?
6. Both Becca and Jules look, and act, like 25-year-old supermodels, except that occasionally Becca gets just a little bit nutty and a little bit slutty. I'm thinking, mood swing.
7. Plus, he never even gets to tell them that i raised to the ith power has an infinite number of values! And they're all real, man! CHECK IT OUT!. (Cliff lists i to the ith as only his fourteenth favorite transcendental number — go figure — and only lists one value. For more, check out e: the story of a number, by John Maori, pp. 178-179.)
8. The menstrual blood bit is pathetically forced, not even that gross, and way not funny. Besides, real men don't get menstrual blood on their leg, if you know what I mean. At least, I didn't.
9. But if these chicks were so hot to trot, why did they not wear front-hook bras? The lack of attention to detail here is disturbing.
10. "Why do we have to hide our relationship?" asks Fogell. Surprisingly, he and Evan do not end up shouting out their love from the rooftops.
11. If Seth is lucky, he could end up at Michigan State University. Recently, Radar magazine ran a bit on America's worst colleges (here), including some rather cheap shots at MSU, inspiring this explosion of Spartan Spirit:
Let me just say to whatever cocksucking pansy wrote this review that he has no fucking idea what he is talking about. Drugs, alcohol, sex, and violence, in a beautiful campus setting, makes for pretty damn good education in my book. I am sorry that we aren't some liberal art school where the biggest problems facing male students is how to come out to our roommate and convince him to let us go down on him. Or maybe some west coast, hippie, save the fucking whales, follow phish, do-gooders that want to complain about this country all day instead of doing something about it. Let me tell you something; Every Spartan I know is better suited for the real world because they had a social life AND finished their degree. So when it comes time to have a drink with the boss and maybe score points, a Spartan might be able to talk about more than the oppression of little tribal island that nobody gives a fuck about. Furthermore the arrest statistics should take into effect the size of MSU (45,000 students), but that doesn't matter. Know why? SPARTANS LIKE TO GET ARRESTED!!!! It is a rite of passage! The 3rd best Halloween party at MSU every year is in the East Lansing Jail. As for drugs? This is fucking college! I did enough drugs to kill an entire tribal island during college. Screw you! Bitches like fucking on ecstasy, and we help them do that. And I don't care what you say. Nothing is sexier than a coked up, drunk sorority slut. So who is the best? Michigan? Michigan girls drive to State to get fucked in the ass on a daily basis. Oh and by the way. . . . I have been to jail, for a while. So when I find who you are I am going to fuck you in the ass. I hope you are a guy. Stay the fuck out of East Lansing.
12. OK, that was an awfully cheap shot. Porkys was a pretty damn lousy movie. Superbad, I must admit, is better than Porkys.
