Blades of Glory is a winning, genial take
on some of the grosser vanities and shortcomings of early 21st century
America — most notably, the balls to the wall, yet totally inept
amateur theatricality of
American Idol, even though the actual
subject of the film is the "world" of professional figure skating.
1
Figure skating and B-list celebrities, that is, so many that I had to
stop counting,
2 though I sure didn't stop at Sasha Cohen, who
can sniff my jock any time.
Blades of Glory pretty much plants
itself on the hairy gut of Will Ferrell and the girly lips of Jon Feder
— firm foundations indeed.
3 Will and Jon play warring figure
skaters. Will is the bad boy of the ice and Jon the shining sissy. When
they tie for the gold, a pushing and shoving match, which rather
strangely never descends to actual hair-pulling, gets them banned from
competition for life.
4
Three and a half years later, we see drunken,
pill-popping Will staggering through Z-list celebrity Hell, wearing a big
head in a third-rate kid's show, so low it's not even branded!
5
Jon has it even worse: he's not even on skates! He's selling them!
Naturally, all this has to change. Jon has a
stalker/fan who refuses to let the dream die. Jon can come back to the
ice, in partner skating! Well, it makes sense, and Jon sets out to find
himself a chick, but life, she's a funny, and he ends up partnered with
Will! Hey, "stuff happens," in the immortal words of Donny Rumsfeld.
Yes, it is a bit contrived, but it's funny as
well.
Blades of Glory is a long way from auteurville, but ignore
all the mainline critics who tell you that this is a step down from
Talladega Nights.
6 This is a big, big step up from
Talladega Nights!
7 In fact, I'd put it at least on a
par with
Ron Burgundy if not higher, even though Christina
Applegate is way cuter than Jon Feder.
8 This is the funniest
film since Monica Lewinsky had tits.
1. What
about the real shortcomings of early 21st century America? You know, the
torture, the lies, the war-mongering? Well, we'll just ignore that
pour le nonce, si'l vous plaît.
2. When do you stop
being a "star" or even an "actor" and start becoming a B-list celebrity?
Obviously, it's a fine line, but I think that both "Coach" Craig T.
Nelson and Andy Richter have stepped across it.
3. Feder seems to wear
lip gloss even when his character wouldn't. Hey, it's his career, not
mine.
4. Because there's one
thing on which outlaws and pretty boys agree: it's all about the
hair!
5. You'd think he might
get a gig in Shrek on Ice, right? Think of the flaming fart
jokes!
6. Blades of
Glory has even received some ragging for the fact that it had four
writers. Well, it's four times funnier than a lot of films with only one
"genius." The whiny, bitchy, "he started it," fraternal bickering between
Will and Jon is a constant delight.
7. If put to the test, I'd rather watch figure skating,
which is pretty much about teen-age butts, than rednecks go around in
circles in cars.
8.
Christina
must have had an "I must look absolutely gorgeous in every shot" clause
in her contract for that flick, because she did. The definitive
Christina!
